


Drown My Heart In Alcohol

by TheWayYouLookTonight



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, alcohol use, bucky is an overemotional drunk, implied period-typical homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-03
Updated: 2015-05-03
Packaged: 2018-03-25 17:53:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3819532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWayYouLookTonight/pseuds/TheWayYouLookTonight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky knew he shouldn't be drinking again. But, Bucky also knew that the alcohol was the only thing that kept him sane being around the person he was in love with everyday. Bucky knew he could never tell, it wouldn't be fair. So he downed another shot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drown My Heart In Alcohol

“Again, Buck?”

“Sorry, Steve,” Bucky slurred, stumbling out onto the sidewalk. He was drunk again, third time this week. Whatever Bucky had been dealing with had really been taking a toll on him.

“Thanks for coming and getting him,” the bar owner said kindly to Steve. Steve could hear the unspoken _again_ roll on the owner's tongue. Bucky was typically more of a disturbance when he was sober than when he was drunk, but if you got enough alcohol into him, he could make quite a scene. Saying that he got get a little over-emotional about things was an understatement, he would sit in the corner and bawl like a baby.

“It's not a problem,” Steve said to the bar owner, “I'd honestly rather have him home when he gets like this.” And to Bucky, “Come on Buck, let's go home.”

“Lesss go....” Bucky repeated, affirming the action.

As it turned out, Bucky had drunk enough that he had trouble holding himself up, much less walking on his own. So, Steve placed the larger man's arm around his bony shoulders to help support him as the two walked down the dark streets.

“Steeeeve....” Bucky whined, “Asthma...”

“I'll be fine,” Steve assured his friend. Truthfully, his breaths were becoming a little shallow from carrying the extra weight, but Steve knew that if he let go of Bucky, he'd only fall down in the street. Besides, his best friend was completely drown in alcohol and needed his help right now.

“I'm sorry I'm such a burden to you...” Bucky said, the tears welling up in his eyes.

 _Oh, don't cry..._ Steve thought. Even in his drunken state, Steve could never bear to see Bucky cry. When they were kids, Steve had always done anything and everything to cheer Bucky up.

“You're not a burden,” Steve reassured Bucky.

“Yes I am,” Bucky whined, a stray tear falling down his cheek. “I can never work hard or long enough to pay for all of your medicine and I can't take good enough care of you, and instead of watching out for you, I go get drunk in bars and then you have to come and get me and that just makes it all worse...” Full-fledged tears were now falling from Bucky's eyes.

Despite the fact that only about half of what Bucky said was comprehensible, Steve got his message. “Bucky, trust me, you aren't a burden at all to me. It's not your fault I'm always getting sick, and you do take good care of me. And everyone needs a break sometimes, I can understand that.”

“But,” Bucky said, the tears continuing like waterfalls. “I can't protect you well enough and now, even though I know it's selfish, and greedy, and you deserve someone way better than me, I can't help myself from falling in love with you.” Bucky laughed at himself, as if demeaning his own feelings.

“What?” Steve asked, not sure if he'd heard that right.

“Besides, you're not even queer,” Bucky looked mournfully at the ground. It spun around under him, making him feel sick. That put a wrench in Bucky stomach and caused him to hurl.

Steve instinctively jumped back when Bucky started throwing up his insides, but came back over and put a hand on his best friend's back, as if somehow that would ease his stomach. When Bucky was finished, he looked up at Steve, who simply smiled warmly at him. Bucky tried to get up himself, but almost fell. Steve caught him, saving him from cracking his skull on the sidewalk.

“Thanks,” Bucky mumbled. A little more sober now, he realized what he had admitted a few minutes ago. It made his stomach churn, but he fought the urge to vomit again. Bucky looked over at Steve, who gazed back at him and smiled, but said nothing.

 _Good, he thinks it was just the alcohol._ Bucky thought, steadying himself. He felt far too guilty to be leaning on Steve right now. He had already made him practically hold his hair while he hurled, and even now he could hear Steve breathing fairly heavily. However, when he took a step forward, he stumbled and barely caught himself.

“I guess I'm not as sober as I thought,” Bucky commented, not meaning to say it aloud.

“Then let me help you,” Steve replied eagerly.

“He does deserve someone better than me,” Bucky sighed under his breath.

“What was that?” Steve asked.

“Nothing,” Bucky replied too quickly.

“Come on,” Steve said, offering his shoulders for Bucky to put his arm around. Accepting reluctantly, Bucky slowly slid his arm across Steve's upper-back. He was thin. _Too thin,_ Bucky thought remorsefully.

“You're a good guy, you know that Steve?”

“Honored you think that, Bucky,” Steve responded, obviously taking it as more drunken gargle.

“No I mean it, you're a really good guy. Guy like you ought to be able to get a real nice dame.”

“I don't need a dame,” Steve said quietly. He turned away from Bucky, who thought he saw a flash of red crawling up onto Steve's cheeks.

“Sure you do,” Bucky said, continuing his route. Truthfully, he felt his heart beating fast, like it was going to burst out of his chest. He hoped Steve couldn't hear it.

“Not me,” Steve said, still turned away from Bucky. His voice sounded a little shaky as he said it.

“Why not?” Bucky pried. Steve would either respond that he had given up on ever finding a girl, or.... Bucky's thought trailed off, leaving his imagination to run wild. Bucky knew he would get a honest answer, he just hoped it was the one he was wishing for.

“Girls have never been interested in me much,” Steve started and Bucky felt his heart sink. “And I've never really been interested in them either.”

Bucky grinned manically, he couldn't help it. “So you _are_ queer!” Bucky shouted, much louder than he should have.

Steve glanced around cautiously. Thankfully, there was no one out on the streets this late, but for good measure he still yelled back, “God, Buck, next time I'm not letting you drink so much!”

“Thanks,” Bucky said quietly, feeling embarrassed.

Steve finally made eye contact with Bucky and turned the color of a tomato. “So... what now?”

“This.” Bucky kissed Steve, both of them turning bright red. Bucky's mouth tasted bitterly of alcohol, but Steve didn't dare break the kiss. It was a sweet and innocent first kiss....until Bucky shoved his tongue into Steve's mouth and started playing around. Steve's eyes widened at the feeling, but went along with it, smiling into the kiss as he did so.

When they finally did break apart, Bucky was breathing a little harder than usual and Steve was panting. He placed his hands on his knees, propping himself up and trying to catch his breath.

“Sorry,” Bucky apologized. “I should have been more careful-”

“No,” Steve said, shaking his head. He was still breathing hard and was red-faced, but he was beaming like the sun. “Don't ever be careful with me again.”

Bucky had to smile at that. A warm feeling surged through his whole body. He couldn't really explain it, but he knew, despite the remaining alcohol sloshing around in his stomach, the dizzying buzz in his head, and the burn of his cheeks from everything that had just happened, he was happier now than he ever had been with any girl before.

“And don't ever worry about ''not being good enough for me'',” Steve added, standing up fully. “You're everything I could have asked for, and more. Besides, you're the only one dumb enough to put up with me and all the stupid stuff I do.”

Bucky smiled, shaking his head. “I love you, you punk.”

Steve grinned. “I love you too, jerk.”

A thought crossed Bucky's mind and he slipped into a cocky grin. “So, you really want to be treated recklessly?”

“God yes,” Steve replied, taking Bucky's suggestion better than he could have hoped.

“Well then, how about this: We go back home, take off all of this,” Bucky pulled the collar of his shirt, “and...” he whispered the last part quietly to Steve, making the younger man's eyes widen to about the size of plates and a ruddy blush spread from ear to ear.

Steve nodded eagerly and Bucky smiled again. Not giving a damn right now, Bucky hooked arms with Steve and led his back to their apartment. They impatiently climbed the stairs to their home, practically bursting through the door when they got there. Heading straight for the bed, Bucky grabbed Steve and laid him gently on the mattress. More gently than Steve would have liked. He grabbed fistfuls of Bucky's shirt, pulling him down for a kiss. The next minutes, hours... neither Steve nor Bucky could tell anymore, were spent in pure bliss, love, and pleasure, until they had to break for a little while so Steve's lungs could catch up to him. After that it was right back down. And if the neighbors got very little sleep that night, they surely didn't say anything about it the next morning as Bucky and Steve left for work, looking rather sleep-deprived, but senselessly happy.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the fault of a friend of mine's. They have a theory that Bucky was a pretty heavy drinker because he could never confess to/be with Steve back in the forties. But I gave it a happier ending. Anyways, hope you enjoyed!


End file.
